‘Crazy Eyes’ will choke soon enough

Image from Joe. My. God.

She’s lucky that Newsweek didn’t use this photo…

So what does it mean that Repugnican Tea Party Minnesota U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann won the quadrennial straw poll in Iowa today?

Well, in 2008, former Massachussetts Gov. Mitt Romney won the Iowa straw poll, and former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee came in at No. 2. Arizona U.S. Sen. John McCainosaurus, who didn’t actively participate in the poll, came in at tenth place — but went on to win the 2008 Repugnican presidential nomination nonetheless.

That’s how predictive Bachmann’s win today is.

Permacandidate Ron Paul, a “libertarian” (that’s supposed to be a better form of Repugnican Tea Partier) U.S. Rep. of Texas, came in at No. 2 in today’s straw poll in Iowa, and former Minnesota Gov. Tim “T-Who?” Pawlenty came in at No. 3.

But all of that is fairly meaningless, since the three of them have a snowball’s chance in hell of ever sitting in the Oval Office. It’s going to be Texas Gov. Rick Perry or Mitt Romney who wins the 2012 Repugnican Tea Party presidential nomination. I put Perry’s chances at about 60 percent and Romney’s at about 40 percent. Or maybe more like 70-30 or even 75-25.

As I’ve noted before, it’s most likely going to be the longest-serving (and still current) governor in the history of the most populous red state in the nation over the guy who had one term as governor in a Northeastern blue state and who has been out of elected office for about four years now.

And while Romney leaves most Repugnican tea-baggers limp, Perry is the Viagra that they’ve been wanting for some time now.

Perry is substanceless, and pretty much is a George W. Bush retread, but the Repugnican Tea Party traitors long have wanted their messiah, and their messiah has arrived in Rick Perry. (Besides, Romney is a Mormon — do they even believe in the messiah?)

Perry will tout Texas’ actual or alleged job growth during his tenure as governor, but of course while he’ll talk about a quantity of jobs, don’t expect him to talk about the quality of those jobs.

The reason that the greedy corporateers flock to Texas to open their businesses is that the pro-plutocratic, anti-working-class red state of Texas doesn’t protect its employees or its consumers. In McTexas, business owners don’t have to pay taxes because dog-eat-dog Texas doesn’t bother to provide its citizens with any services, and those business owners are allowed to screw their employees over as they please and to pollute and otherwise harm the public good indiscriminately in their relentless pursuit of profit, because Texas’ laws don’t protect employees or consumers — only the business owners.

But back to Michele Bachmann: The indignation over her recent Newsweek cover —

— is bullshit.

The woman looks batshit insane most of the time. It would be like me accusing Newsweek of unfairly making me look fat on their cover when indeed I could stand to lose many pounds. Unlike the Repugnican Tea Party traitors, the camera doesn’t fucking lie.

Blogger Joe Jervis usually doesn’t even use Bachmann’s name. He usually just calls her “Crazy Eyes.” And he’s been doing that for some time now. Because it’s accurate.

(Speaking of Joe, catch this video parody of Crazy Eyes’ Newsweek photoshoot, via Joe’s blog, Joe. My. God.)

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