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gay_cowboy51.jpg sexy cowboys image by shaunte1223

Gay Repugnican’s coming out gets mixed reviews 

Reaction to Repugnican California state Sen. Roy Ashburn’s having come out of the closet yesterday — involuntarily, as the result of chatter after he was arrested on March 3 for DUI after having driven away from a Sacramento gay bar — has been mixed.

Ashburn, the first Repugnican California state legislator to have come out of the closet (which tells you something about how backfuckingasswards the Repugnican Party is), received a fairly warm, or at least a not hostile, reception when he returned to the state Senate yesterday, The Sacramento Bee reports.

Homo-hating wingnuts, however, have gone so far as to say that Ashburn isn’t really gay — indeed, that no one is, that being gay is, of course, a “choice.”

Reports the Bee:

Benjamin Lopez, state lobbyist for the Traditional Values Coalition, said that the coalition’s founder, the Rev. Lou Sheldon, is offering to counsel Ashburn to help him turn away from being gay. [Because “reparative” or “conversion” “therapy” has been sooooo successful!]

“I don’t know why Roy strayed,” said Lopez, who appeared with Ashburn at [an] anti-gay marriage rally in 2005.

“I think it’s more sad than hypocritical,” Lopez said. “We hope he comes to terms with whatever is making him make a choice to be a gay man.”

Gee, I wonder if the oh-so-fucking-helpful “Traditional Values Coalition” offers black people “counseling” to help them with their “choice” to be black instead of the much more preferable white.

Not to be outdone by the “Traditional Values Coalition” (the Ku Klux Klan is the keeper of certain “traditional values” as well), homo-hater Randy Thomasson has called on Ashburn to resign.

The Bee quotes Thomasson as having said that “no one is truly gay” and that the divorced Ashburn “vowed to be faithful to his wife, then broke his vows when he chose homosexuality over his marriage.”

There’s that being-homosexual-is-a-“choice” lie again.

Google Thomasson’s image and he’ll probably set off your gaydar, too. Memo to Miss Randy: The man-lady doth protest too much, methinks.

Seriously: How many heterosexual men are fixated on homosexuality to the point that they make it their life’s work? Um, yeah…

Anyway, part of me thinks that Ashburn deserves a good ass-whupping for having been a traitor to his “chosen” tribe by having voted against pro-gay legislation for all of those years in the California Legislature.

However, for all I know, he likes ass-whuppings, and I suppose that if the penalty for coming out (even for traitors like Ashburn) is too harsh, it will dissuade others from coming out, and the more of us who are out, the better.

Et tu, Massa?

The Washington Post reports that recently resigned Democratic U.S. Rep. Eric Massa of New York is under investigation not only for having verbally sexually harassed male staff, but for having groped male staff, too — starting at least a year ago.

Maybe it’s time for Massa — who apparently has been trying to take the attention away from his apparently busy hands by claiming first that he was resigning because of cancer and then because he has been a victim of pressure to vote for “Obamacare” — to take some inspiration from Roy Ashburn and come out of the fucking closet already.

Hell, Ashburn is 55 and Massa is 50. Maybe they’re a match! Ashburn is divorced, but Massa is still heterosexually married, though. Until his wife divorces him for being gay.

Catholick sexual abuse hits close to Pope Palpatine

FILE - In this Sept. 13, 2006 file picture Pope Benedict XVI, ...

Associated Press photo

Pope Palpatine, right, and his older brother Georg, who is a priest, are shown in Germany in 2006.

It’s hard to keep up with the child sexual abuse scandals within the Catholick church, but the latest is interesting because it involves Pope Palpatine’s brother.

Priest Georg Ratzinger, Palpatine’s 86-year-0ld bro (Palpatine is 82 and his real name is Joseph Ratzinger), cops to having slapped around some members of a Catholick boys’ choir in Germany when he ran it from 1964 to 1994, and admits that he was aware of some physical abuse of the boys, but claims that he was unaware that some of the choirboys had been sexually abused, too, reports The Associated Press.

I don’t know. It seems fairly safe to me at this point to assume that at least every other Catholick authority figure has sexually abused a child at least once.

The Catholick church has not a shred of respectability or credibility left; it’s gone quite to hell.

Maybe one day actual Christianity — that is, people actually knowing and following the teachings of Jesus Christ — will become popular.

(I’m not equating the sexual abuse of children with homosexuality, by the way. I just needed a place to put this little news tidbit…)

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Assorted shit

The Vatican doesn’t like “Avatar.” Apparently Pope Palpatine is petrified by the very thought of a “new pantheism tinged with neo-paganism, which would see the source of man’s salvation in nature alone.”

Oh, fuck the pope.

The Catholic church isn’t interested in humankind’s enlightenment, liberation or happiness. The Catholic church just wants to continue to keep as many human beings enslaved to it as possible.

The church’s main problem with “Avatar” is that the church just hates the competition.

I am reminded of the scene in “Doubt” in which Meryl Streep’s character of the nun who desperately needs a dildo proclaims that the song “Frosty the Snowman” is inappropriate for the Christmas program because it’s about witchcraft or magic or the like.

Speaking of the Catholic church, The Associated Press reports today that Archbishop Joseph Serge Miot, 63, was killed in yesterday’s devastating earthquake in Haiti. 

As much as I hate the Catholic church, you won’t see me proclaiming that that must have been a sign from God that God hates or that God wished to punish the Catholic church.

Pat Robertson, however, proclaims that Haiti was stricken by the earthquake because Haitians at one point in history “swore a pact with the devil.” (I couldn’t make shit like that up.)

This satanic pact is why Haitians historically have been impoverished, Robertson helpfully explains.

Haiti’s poverty has had nothing to do with its history as a slave colony and with whitey’s history of colonialism and enslavement of African natives. No! It was those Haitians’ pact with the devil!

Um, yeah, I blame the blue-eyed devils for Haiti’s poverty, and I officially move Pat Robertson into my Top 10 Wingnuts Whose Deaths I’d Celebrate List for 2010. He made my 2007 list but didn’t make my 2010 list, but he’s earned a place back on it. I put him at No. 10, with Carrie Prejean and Prick Warren. (Yes, they’re having a very unGodly little three-way.)

Memo to Robertson and Sarah Palin-Quayle and others who claim that they know God’s will: there are quite effective antipsychotics available for that.

Back to “Avatar,” there’s actually a news item about “‘Avatar’-induced depression.” (Yes, soon there will be a head med for that, too.)

Apparently people are getting sucked into the almost three hours of the alternate world of “Avatar” and they hate to have to return to their dull and dreary lives outside of the movie theater.

Get a grip, people. I liked “Avatar,” but its New Agey thing frequently borders on schmaltz. I like most of James Cameron’s films, but I have to suspect that “Avatar” is the “spiritual” film that baby boomer Cameron wanted to make before he dies, and baby boomers have a special way of turning the spiritual into something like Cheez Whiz. (Think “The Secret,” which was huge with the boomers.)

Anyway, memo to those afflicted with “‘Avatar’-induced depression”: If you can’t stand to live in the time and place in which you were born — if you are into Renaissance festivals or into “Star Trek” conventions or the like — then you’re a maladjusted dork. If you’re not a virgin, then you’re probably at least chronically single.

However, if you find that you just can’t get over your “‘Avatar’-induced depression,” might I suggest neo-paganism?

Finally, I was puzzled to read this news item today from The Associated Press:

Washington – President Barack Obama says he has not succeeded in bringing the country together, acknowledging an atmosphere of divisiveness that has washed away the lofty national feeling surrounding his inauguration a year ago.

“That’s what’s been lost this year … that whole sense of changing how Washington works,” Obama said in an interview with People magazine.

The president said his second-year agenda will be refocused on uniting the country around common values, “whether we’re Democrats or Republicans.” …

Uh, only someone who thinks that he or she knows the will of God or who is prone to “‘Avatar’-induced depression” would think that ObamaMan! could have United the Nation in a Single Bound!

Here is a map of the slave states in red and the free states in green:

The map below shows the states won by Obama and Joe Biden in blue and by Repugnicans John McCainosaurus and Sarah Palin-Quayle in red.

ElectoralCollege2008.svg

Now is it me, or do those of the former slave states sure the fuck hold a fucking grudge?

I don’t blame Barack Obama that the nation isn’t united. I blame the backasswards, racist/white supremacist, mouth-breathing fucktards who voted for McCainosauraus in November 2008 and who think that Sarah Palin-Quayle would make a great fucking president! (After all, she says that God says so!)

The white supremacists are never going to accept Obama, and this white guy sure the fuck is never going to accept the white supremacists, so the nation is just going to have to remain divided.

Hell, I’m even for the red states’ secession. Then my great state of California will get back $1 for every $1 that it puts into the federal government kitty, instead of the paltry 78 cents that it receives, with the rest of our money going to keep the podunk states afloat (like Sarah Palin-Quayle’s Alaska, which gets almost $2 in return for every $1 that it puts into the federal piggy bank).

Anyway, if Obama truly thought that he could unite the nation (which I doubt), then he needs to have his ego surgically reduced. Anyone else who truly thought that he could unite the nation should see about the possibility of watching an endless loop of “Avatar.”

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