Tag Archives: teabagging

Even more on the ‘teabaggers’

Via Tom Tomorrow I found a hilarious blog post by a guy in Indiana who reports that he pretended to be a wingnut in order to “infiltrate” and take pictures of one of the wingnuts’ “tea party” rallies of last week.

The blogger (who calls himself Ed and whose blog is ginandtacos.com) writes:

So my good friend Scott pointed out that for all of my talk about teabaggin’, I was strangely ambivalent about the opportunity to see one in the flesh. Well, my inner anthropologist and innate love of freaks won out in the end.

Resolved: I would walk freely among the teabaggers, pretending to be one so that I might learn of their ways.

The first question was if I could successfully infiltrate them. I’d need something like a Soldier of Fortune T-shirt, a bandana, a ratty old Army coat, and the ability to look like a mouth-breather with an IQ of 98.

(Actually, 98 is an average IQ, but you get the idea…)

The blogger posted the results of his undercover “research,” which I reproduce here as a copy and paste:

But what would we see there? Would there be misspellings? 

descent

Oh HELLSYEAH there would be misspellings. (If that’s not clear, the patriot’s sign reads, “Remember descent the highest form of patriotic.”) He sign make good! Was that an isolated example of poor facility with the English language?

misspell1

I have a theory that you should never protest against something until you can spell it correctly. I must admit that I got a chuckle out of “Don’t Tax Me, Bro.” But now for the important questions: Would there be racist signs? Come on, tell me there would be racism.

racism

Ha ha ha! Home-schooled rural Indiana kids hold the darnedest signs.

Would there also be wingnuttery? Would there be old people? White ones?

birthcert

Guys hawking guns? Well, he knows his audience!

guns

Yes, it was quite the human zoo. The thing is, everyone looked like they were having so much fun being furious, bitching, moaning and directing all sorts of hate at the concept of taxation.

I decided to give it a try with some archaic flags as a backdrop.

p41500491

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I AM SO MAD ABOUT MY ENTIRELY REASONABLE TAX BURDEN WHICH IS THE SMALLEST IN THE INDUSTRIALIZED WORLD AND WILL GET SMALLER THANKS TO THE NEW PRESIDENT!

Good times.

And now a word about the event. First, I must give non-ironic, sincere props to the event attendees. The weather was lousy and there were at least 150 people there. I tip my hat to that. Good turnout. The consensus estimates among my cohort (me, Liz, Scott, Amanda, Patti and Will) was somewhere between 150 and 200 attendees. That is respectable; now let’s get a good chuckle out of how ridiculously they inflate it.

The event itself lasted about four minutes. A guy with a bullhorn led the Pledge of Allegiance and gave a “speech” that lasted just long enough to pop a bag of microwave popcorn. At this point about half of the crowd left. Literally, they sighed a collective “OK, I’ve done my part” and ambled back to their SUVs.

What remained was a smaller number of vocal sign-wavers who lined a street that receives very little traffic and shouted at passing cars. They seemed to be mistaking the horn honks and waves as an upswell of support, but I think most of the passersby were making fun of them.

In summary, the crowd was decently sized, 99.9% white, 90% over 60 or under 6, 50% cowboy-hatted, and REALLY angry about … something. It was far from a grassroots political movement. It was a bunch of people who overcame their revulsion toward other people long enough to stand in the same place for 180 seconds before disbanding and rushing to the nearest Waffle House.

No real media showed up and, in a not-coincidence I’ll have much more to say about next week, there was no police presence. I guess big groups of white people without permits don’t necessitate quite as many angry cops as an anti-war rally!

It was an honest oversight, I’m sure. Just remember, this is the face of real America, and the face of a new revolution sweeping the nation. Look upon it and tremble: 

p41500481

Yes, there is the mention of the wingnutty conspiracy theory that President Obama isn’t a bona fide U.S. citizen, and thus could not have been elected president, although, of course, the same Repugnican-dominated U.S. Supreme Court that simply handed the presidential election to George W. Bush in late 2000 surely would have intervened at the wingnuts’ behest if there truly were a problem with Obama’s citizenship.

And I love the “capitalism = prosperity” sign. Because look how great the United States of America is doing under capitalism right now! (To be a Repugnican or a wingnut, you have to believe that up is down and down is up. George Orwell is spinning in his grave like a top on crack.) 

Anyway, blogger Ed rocks. I love his “infiltrator’s” outfit and his line, “I AM SO MAD ABOUT MY ENTIRELY REASONABLE TAX BURDEN WHICH IS THE SMALLEST IN THE INDUSTRIALIZED WORLD AND WILL GET SMALLER THANKS TO THE NEW PRESIDENT!”

Yes, I agree with Ed that the “DON’T TAX ME BRO” sign (modeled after “Don’t taze me, bro!”) is funny (just as a broken clock displays the correct time twice a day, sometimes the wingnuts actually can manage to be funny), although I’ve seen the sign elsewhere, and although as photographed above it of course lacks the punctuation that Ed so generously gave it.*

And “Don’t tax me, bro!” is funny although, as I recently pointed out, most of the solidly red states** actually receive more than $1 from the federal government for every $1 that they pay into the federal government, while most of the solidly blue states receive less than $1 from the fed for every $1 that they give the fed, so for the denizens of these red states actually to be pissing and moaning that they are overtaxed by the federal government is beyond surreal. 

As I said, let’s let these red-state “revolutionaries” secede and see how well they succeed without us blue-staters who keep their sorry asses afloat.

*Speaking of incorrect punctuation and spelling, I do believe that it was Ted Rall who once quipped that the future belongs to those who can spell

**I define a “solidly red state” as a state that went to George W. Bush in 2004 and to John McCainosaurus in 2008 and a “solidly blue state” as a state that went to John Kerry in 2004 and to Barack Obama in 2008.

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It’s NOT about the taxes

Protesters carrying signs and American flags participate in ...

Vince Schuck of Newfane, Vt., wears a hat festooned with tea ...

Protestors listen to a speaker during the tax-day rally on the ...

A woman with tea bags hanging from her hat participates in a ...

People hold signs at a tea party rally, Wednesday, April 15, ...

Associated Press and Reuters photos

Wingnuts gather at “tea party” rallies at the Illinois, Vermont, Kentucky and Tennessee state capitols and in Cincinnati, Ohio, today. The insane hypocrites had no problem whatsofuckingever with the record federal budget deficit that George W. Bush left for Barack Obama, but suddenly they’re vehemently opposed to federal budget deficits. The racial composition of these “tea party” rallies overwhelmingly was predominately white — look at the news photos yourself — which gives you an idea of what it all really is about. 

So today the wingnuts are gathering and talkin’ ’bout a “revolution.”

“Revolution” in a nation whose president was democratically elected by 53 percent of the voters (and whose opponent garnered only 46 percent of the popular vote).

The wingnuts know that they have nothing substantive to piss and moan about, other than the fact that their guy, the stupid white old guy, didn’t win the election in November — and that the “socialist” black guy did.

Interestingly, these were the very same wingnuts who cried “Sore Loserman!” when the Gore-Lieberman ticket fought (weakly) the theft of the White House by BushCheneyCorp in late 2000.

It’s mind-blowingly hypocritical, even for the wingnuts, to be protesting the fact that their guy didn’t win when they blasted the other side for its supposed “sore loserism” even when the other side’s guy did win. (Al Gore won the popular vote by more than a half-million votes in 2000. Repugnican Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris and the U.S. Supreme Court, not the majority of the American people, put George W. Bush into the White House.)

The tack that the wingnuts have taken to try to convince others to join their little “revolution” today, on Tax Day, is to appeal blatantly to the individual’s self-interest: Who wants to pay taxes?

Of course, if we didn’t pay taxes, the nation would crumble entirely — which is something that no true patriot would want, presumedly. There would be no roads and highways and other critical infrastructure. No public schools. No hospitals the poor and uninsured could afford to go to. No parks, no libraries. No bombs with which to slaughter Muslim babies before they can grow up to become “Islamofascist” “terrorists.”

Speaking of which, the wingnuts were perfectly fine paying their federal income taxes when the “president” was a Repugnican. And they were perfectly fine with runaway deficit spending when the “president” was a Repugnican, and as long as that spending went to the war profiteers’ pockets (Dick Cheney’s Halliburton wanted a war, and Cheney sure delivered for Halliburton) instead of to those American people in need.

Who needs health care and education and such when we can have “shock and awe!” on the tayvay?

Annihilating the whole premise of today’s “tea parties” is the fact that under President Barack Obama’s federal income tax plans, only those making more than $250,000 a year will pay more in federal income taxes.

How many of those mouth-breathing wingnuts at today’s “tea parties” make even a third of that much money?

No, the vast majority of the participants in today’s “tea parties” are dupes of the wingnut noise machine that is owned by the likes of the filthy rich Rupert Murdoch, owner of Fox “News.” Rupert and his super-rich buddies don’t want to pay their fair share of taxes, but their problem is that the super-rich make up only a tiny percentage of the American population.

Therefore, these plutocrats must convince the Joe the Plumbers of the nation that tax cuts for the rich are good for the common American, and they must blatantly lie to the commoners that under Obama’s tax plans, the commoners will pay more.

The commoners aren’t getting just teabagged by their super-rich overlords; they’re also getting dicked.

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