Tag Archives: Pat Robertson

I hope his kidneys fail

Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh, right, speaks during ...

Associated Press photo

Wingnut Rush Limbaugh pontificates at a hospital in Hawaii, where he recently survived a heart-attack scare, unfortunately.

Black lesbian comedian Wanda Sykes stirred some controversy when, at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, in response to Rush Limbaugh’s proclamation that he hopes that President Barack Obama’s White House administration fails, she said of Limbaugh: “I hope his kidneys fail.”

I hope so, too — but I’m not kidding. (Although she probably wasn’t, either…)

What the fuck is the matter with the wingnuts?

Limbaugh has accused President Obama of encouraging aid to Haitians in light of this past week’s devastating earthquake only to score political points.

If Obama had ignored the Haitian situation, as George W. Bush would have done, as he did Hurricane Katrina, then the wingnuts hypocritically would have accused Obama of not having done his job, but when Obama did acknowledge the Haitians’ crisis, the wingnuts accuse him of having done so only for personal political gain.

Obama can’t fucking win with the fucking wingnuts, because the wingnuts’ main problem with Obama is that he is black, and the wingnuts are racists and white supremacists.

The majority of the wingnuts call themselves “Christians.” Would Jesus have ignored the Haitians’ plight? Would Jesus have said, as wingnut Pat Robertson said, that the Haitians brought the earthquake upon themselves because they’d “sworn a pact with the devil”?

No, Jesus the socialist would have jumped in to help. (Jesus the socialist wouldn’t have opposed health care for all, would not have supported health care only for those who can afford it in our sick and twisted for-profit wealth care system, either.)

The Repugnicans claim that they’re not racist, but they demonstrate that they are racist and white supremacist time and time again. They inappropriately and illegally removed blacks from the voters’ rolls in order to “win” George W. Bush Florida in 2000, then they ignored Hurricane Katrina because it affected mostly black Americans, and now they criticize Barack Obama for helping the Haitians — who brought the earthquake upon themselves, of course. Tell the maimed and orphaned children of Haiti that they brought it upon themselves. After all, that’s what Jesus would have done!

The right wing has been so thoroughly discredited that I don’t know how it even still exists, even in its weakened form.

Here is Rush Limbaugh trying to score political points by accusing President Obama of trying to score political points by doing the right thing, by doing what Jesus would do.

Is Limbaugh even aware of his own hypocrisy?

The best thing that we can say about people like Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh (and Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin and Dick Cheney and George W. Bush, et. al., et. al.) is that they will die one day.

But that day can’t come quickly enough.

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Assorted shit

The Vatican doesn’t like “Avatar.” Apparently Pope Palpatine is petrified by the very thought of a “new pantheism tinged with neo-paganism, which would see the source of man’s salvation in nature alone.”

Oh, fuck the pope.

The Catholic church isn’t interested in humankind’s enlightenment, liberation or happiness. The Catholic church just wants to continue to keep as many human beings enslaved to it as possible.

The church’s main problem with “Avatar” is that the church just hates the competition.

I am reminded of the scene in “Doubt” in which Meryl Streep’s character of the nun who desperately needs a dildo proclaims that the song “Frosty the Snowman” is inappropriate for the Christmas program because it’s about witchcraft or magic or the like.

Speaking of the Catholic church, The Associated Press reports today that Archbishop Joseph Serge Miot, 63, was killed in yesterday’s devastating earthquake in Haiti. 

As much as I hate the Catholic church, you won’t see me proclaiming that that must have been a sign from God that God hates or that God wished to punish the Catholic church.

Pat Robertson, however, proclaims that Haiti was stricken by the earthquake because Haitians at one point in history “swore a pact with the devil.” (I couldn’t make shit like that up.)

This satanic pact is why Haitians historically have been impoverished, Robertson helpfully explains.

Haiti’s poverty has had nothing to do with its history as a slave colony and with whitey’s history of colonialism and enslavement of African natives. No! It was those Haitians’ pact with the devil!

Um, yeah, I blame the blue-eyed devils for Haiti’s poverty, and I officially move Pat Robertson into my Top 10 Wingnuts Whose Deaths I’d Celebrate List for 2010. He made my 2007 list but didn’t make my 2010 list, but he’s earned a place back on it. I put him at No. 10, with Carrie Prejean and Prick Warren. (Yes, they’re having a very unGodly little three-way.)

Memo to Robertson and Sarah Palin-Quayle and others who claim that they know God’s will: there are quite effective antipsychotics available for that.

Back to “Avatar,” there’s actually a news item about “‘Avatar’-induced depression.” (Yes, soon there will be a head med for that, too.)

Apparently people are getting sucked into the almost three hours of the alternate world of “Avatar” and they hate to have to return to their dull and dreary lives outside of the movie theater.

Get a grip, people. I liked “Avatar,” but its New Agey thing frequently borders on schmaltz. I like most of James Cameron’s films, but I have to suspect that “Avatar” is the “spiritual” film that baby boomer Cameron wanted to make before he dies, and baby boomers have a special way of turning the spiritual into something like Cheez Whiz. (Think “The Secret,” which was huge with the boomers.)

Anyway, memo to those afflicted with “‘Avatar’-induced depression”: If you can’t stand to live in the time and place in which you were born — if you are into Renaissance festivals or into “Star Trek” conventions or the like — then you’re a maladjusted dork. If you’re not a virgin, then you’re probably at least chronically single.

However, if you find that you just can’t get over your “‘Avatar’-induced depression,” might I suggest neo-paganism?

Finally, I was puzzled to read this news item today from The Associated Press:

Washington – President Barack Obama says he has not succeeded in bringing the country together, acknowledging an atmosphere of divisiveness that has washed away the lofty national feeling surrounding his inauguration a year ago.

“That’s what’s been lost this year … that whole sense of changing how Washington works,” Obama said in an interview with People magazine.

The president said his second-year agenda will be refocused on uniting the country around common values, “whether we’re Democrats or Republicans.” …

Uh, only someone who thinks that he or she knows the will of God or who is prone to “‘Avatar’-induced depression” would think that ObamaMan! could have United the Nation in a Single Bound!

Here is a map of the slave states in red and the free states in green:

The map below shows the states won by Obama and Joe Biden in blue and by Repugnicans John McCainosaurus and Sarah Palin-Quayle in red.

ElectoralCollege2008.svg

Now is it me, or do those of the former slave states sure the fuck hold a fucking grudge?

I don’t blame Barack Obama that the nation isn’t united. I blame the backasswards, racist/white supremacist, mouth-breathing fucktards who voted for McCainosauraus in November 2008 and who think that Sarah Palin-Quayle would make a great fucking president! (After all, she says that God says so!)

The white supremacists are never going to accept Obama, and this white guy sure the fuck is never going to accept the white supremacists, so the nation is just going to have to remain divided.

Hell, I’m even for the red states’ secession. Then my great state of California will get back $1 for every $1 that it puts into the federal government kitty, instead of the paltry 78 cents that it receives, with the rest of our money going to keep the podunk states afloat (like Sarah Palin-Quayle’s Alaska, which gets almost $2 in return for every $1 that it puts into the federal piggy bank).

Anyway, if Obama truly thought that he could unite the nation (which I doubt), then he needs to have his ego surgically reduced. Anyone else who truly thought that he could unite the nation should see about the possibility of watching an endless loop of “Avatar.”

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Top 10 Wingnuts Whose Deaths I’d Celebrate, 2010 Edition

Glenn Beck is No. 1!

The May 2007 death of Jerry Falwell inspired me at that time to compose a “Top 10 Wingnuts Whose Deaths I’d Celebrate List.” It seems to be that time of year for top-10 lists, and the great news that Rush Limbaugh is in the hospital for chest pains has inspired me to revisit and revamp my list.

In May 2007 my list of Top 10 Wingnuts Whose Deaths I’d Celebrate was as follows:

1. Dick Cheney

2. George W. Bush

3. Karl Rove

4. Donald Rumsfeld

5. Rudy Giuliani

6. Ann Cunter

7. Rush Limbaugh

8. Pope Palpatine

9. James Dobson

10. Pat Robertson

My Top 10 Wingnuts Whose Deaths I’d Celebrate for 2010 are (drum roll, please):

1. Glenn Beck

2. Dick Cheney

3. Sarah Palin

4. George W. Bush

5. Rush Limbaugh

6. Karl Rove

7. Pope Palpatine

8. John McCainosaurus

9. Benedict Lieberman

10. Tie: Carrie Prejean and Prick Warren

New to the list are Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, John McCainosaurus, Benedict (a.k.a. Joe) Lieberman, Prick (a.k.a. Rick) Warren and Carrie Prejean.

As I’ve noted before, dry drunk Beck has a face that I’d like to punch. I know that Dick Cheney has done a lot more damage to the nation and the world than Beck has, but I really, really, really hate Glenn Beck. He is pure evil — a mixture of stupidity, bigotry and arrogance that is unmatched in the wingnut world. My hatred of him is visceral.

George W. Bush also has done a lot more damage to the nation and the world than Sarah Palin has, but I fucking hate Sarah Palin and everything that she stands for. (OK, Levi Johnston is a hottie. If he ran for president I might consider him.)

Bush and Cheney are a little lower on the list than they used to be because they’re out of office, but Cheney is above Bush on both lists because we all know that he really pulled the strings.

Karl Rove remains on the list because he and fellow Gee Dubya puppeteer Cheney Cheney are still appearing on television all the time criticizing the Obama administration. If they’d just go the fuck away, like Donald Rumsfeld and Rudy Giuliani did, they might not still be on my list.

John McCainosaurus didn’t appear on my 2007 list because I didn’t expect him to get the 2008 nomination, but he did. And because he also keeps criticizing the Obama administration, as though the BushCheneyCorp had done a great job from early 2001 to early 2009, and even though the American voters picked Obama over him by 7 percentage points, McCainosaurus makes this year’s list.

The pope just refuses to die — I think that sheer spite, his desire to drag the entire world back to the dark ages, keeps him going — and he goes up one notch this year. (I know, you think it’s awful that I include the pope, but he and his backasswards wingnutty views fuck up millions of people around the globe.)

Benedict Lieberman needs no explanation if you have been paying attention at all. I heard that Al Gore stated that he doesn’t regret that he’d picked Benedict as his running mate for his 2000 presidential run. I don’t believe that.

Dropped from the list are James Dobson and Pat Robertson, about whom you don’t hear much anymore, and in their place is Prick Warren and Carrie Prejean, who (along with Sarah Palin) seem to be the new faces of the remnants of what passes for Christianity for way too many Americans. I hate Prick Warren and Carrie Prejean, and since they have so much in common — the whole faux Godliness thing — I put them at tied for 10th place.

You might be surprised that Ann Cunter has dropped from the list. Oh, don’t get me wrong; I still fucking hate Ann Cunter. But Glenn Beck seems to have knocked her out of the limelight entirely.

So I would put her at No. 11, except that this is a top-10 list.

Maybe next year, Ann.

P.S. If you think that I’m missing anyone or you’d make any changes to my list for 2010, feel free to leave a comment below.

P.P.S. I will make a pre-emptive strike and state that I am immune to any criticism that my composing such a top-10 list is “inappropriate.” I mean, oh puhfuckinglease if you think that there aren’t a bunch of people the wingnuts would want dead, such as Nancy Pelosi, Michael Moore and, of course, Barack Obama (but not because he’s black, of course!).

P.P.P.S.: Honorable mentions for 2010: Joe Wilson, the fucktarded U.S. representative from South Carolina who yelled out “You lie!” during President Obama’s nationally televised address to Congress on health care, and Meg Whitman, the billionaire bitch who is trying to buy the governorship of California (the gubernatorial election will be in November 2010). I imagine that we Californians will hear a lot more from her in the coming months. What we’ve heard from her thus far (she has declared war upon state government workers and the environment) has been nothing short of pathetic.

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