Tag Archives: International Burn a Koran Day

Mittens: ‘No apology’ for Terry Jones, whose Islamophobia has killed again

Dove World Outreach Center church pastor Terry Jones

Reuters photo

Presidential wannabe Mittens Romney defends the likes of Florida “Pastor” Terry Jones, who is banned from entering the United Kingdom because of his anti-Islamic hate-mongering.  Jones is pictured above promoting his “International Burn a Koran Day” in 2010, and today Jones is promoting the incredibly bad, anti-Islamic film “Innocence of Muslims,” which has cost even more lives in the Middle East — but this time, American lives.

When Florida “Christo”fascist nutjob “Pastor” Terry Jones threatened to burn copies of the Koran in 2010 on the ninth anniversary of 9/11 — on what he called “International Burn a Koran Day” — more than a dozen people died during the protests that he sparked in the Middle East and Asia.

Americans didn’t care too much then because none of the dead then was an American.

Jones backed off on his threat to burn any Korans in 2010, but then in March 2011, he did burn a Koran in his Gainesville “church” after he had “put it on trial.” In reaction, dozens more people were killed in protesting in Afghanistan, including seven United Nations workers.

Americans still didn’t care too much then because none of the dead was an American.

This time, however, angry Muslims in Libya slaughtered the U.S. ambassador to Libya, Christopher Stevens, and three American staffers in a rocket attack on the American Consulate in Benghazi.

American officials posit that the attack on the American embassy might have been planned already, but in any event, the stated reason for the attack, apparently, is a “low-quality” and “extremely amateur” anti-Islamic film called “Innocence of Muslims” that reportedly portrays “the Prophet [Mohammed] as a homosexual who endorses extramarital sex and pedophilia.”

Even flattering depictions of Mohammed are considered blasphemous in Islam, so this

There is an apparent clip from the “film” on YouTube in which the actors portraying Middle Eastern Muslims appear to be white people wearing badly done brown makeup. (Disclaimer: I could not watch more than a few minutes of the clip, it’s that bad.)

Reportedly the said director and/or producer of the incredibly bad “film,” a “Sam Bacile” of California, is in hiding as a result of the reaction to his “film,” but also reportedly, no one can find evidence that a “Sam Bacile” actually even fucking exists. (The film could credibly be credited, however, to an “I.M. Bacile.”)

What is known, however, is that “Pastor” Terry Jones has promoted “Innocence of Muslims” and that Jones screened at least a trailer for the “film” for his followers in Florida yesterday, the 11th anniversary of 9/11, which he dubbed “International Judge Mohammed Day,” and Reuters reports today that

General Martin Dempsey, the chairman of the U.S. military’s Joint Chiefs of Staff, spoke with Pastor Terry Jones by phone [today] and asked him to withdraw his support for a film whose portrayal of the Prophet [Mohammed] has sparked violent protests — including one that ended with the death of America’s envoy to Libya.

Now, would the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff have called “Pastor” Jones if he didn’t feel that Jones’ actions were putting American lives at risk?

I’m an advocate of free speech, but the problem with Terry Jones is that every time the self-promoting bigot publicly bashes Islam, people tend to die.

Knowing this, it’s harder to protect Jones’ brand of free speech.

Is a worthless piece of shit like Terry Jones worth it?

Jones reportedly proclaimed in a statement today that “The film is not intended to insult the Muslim community, but it is intended to reveal truths about [Mohammed] that are possibly not widely known,” adding that the violence in apparent reaction to the film only shows the “true nature of Islam.”

Bullshit. Of course Terry Jones, with “events” such as “International Burn a Koran Day” and “International Judge Mohammed Day,” is doing his very fucking best to offend Muslims.

Terry Jones does not get to intentionally outrageously offend Muslims, which quite predictably results in violence, and then say, “See what I told you? They’re violent!”

That’s like repeatedly poking a dog with a sharp stick and then proclaiming, when the dog finally bites you, that the dog was inherently prone to violence. (Um, I’m not comparing Muslims to dogs… I’m saying that you don’t get to provoke violence and then fault the violent reaction that you have caused.)

The best thing that can happen is that some jihadist takes out Terry Jones. Seriously. A hundred Terry Joneses aren’t worth a single human life that his inflammatory speech — his hate speech, which, I could argue easily, is not speech that is worth protecting — has snuffed out.

And Mittens Romneywhat the fuck?

The U.S. Embassy in Cairo, Egypt, reportedly fearing for possible violence there apparently related to “Innocence of Muslims,” issued this statement yesterday: “The Embassy of the United States in Cairo condemns the continuing efforts by misguided individuals to hurt the religious feelings of Muslims — as we condemn efforts to offend believers of all religions.”

Team Mittens pounced on this statement as part of its bullshit narrative that the Obama administration is always “apologizing” for the United States abroad. Mittens proclaimed today in Terry Jones’ Florida that the Cairo embassy’s statement “appeared to be an apology for American principles.”

(See, this has to fit in nicely with Mittens’ book that is titled No Apology, which, when it was first released in 2010, was subtitled The Case for American Greatness, but which, when it was released in paperback last year, was re-subtitled Believe in America, which just coinky-dinkily is Team Mittens’ 2012 presidential campaign slogan.

It’s funny, because not only is the vulture capitalist multi-millionaire Mormon baby-boomer asshole Mittens not a part of “American greatness” in any shape or form, but who, exactly, is “apologizing” for America?

There are some things that we Americans should fucking apologize for, such as the illegal, immoral, unprovoked and unjust invasion of Iraq by the unelected George W. Bush administration in 2003, and the American-perpetrated torture and other assorted crimes against humanity that followed 9/11 and the wholly-unrelated-to-9/11 Vietraq War, including the Abu Ghraib House of Horrors, and for the continued slaughter of innocent civilians in the Middle East by U.S. drones like something out of the fucking “Terminator” movies, but who the fuck, in general, “apologizes” for America?)

Now, would Mittens object to the condemnation of “continuing efforts by misguided individuals to hurt the religious feelings of” Mormons?

Seriously — how would Mittens respond to an anti-Mormon film? Much more is known about the personal lives of Mormon cult’s founding fathers than is known about the personal life of Mohammed, that’s for sure, and there are plenty of unflattering things that we could say about Mormonism’s polygamous, patriarchal, misogynist founding fathers, aren’t there? How about a hate-filled film called “Innocence of Mormons”?

How would Mittens feel about that?

I see nothing wrong with the Cairo embassy’s statement. Sure, there is the First Amendment — but at the same time, you don’t have to be a mega-dick and intentionally inflame, with your hate speech, the passions of religious inherents who in the past have become violent when their religion has been quite intentionally disrespected.

Apparently, presidential wannabe Mittens Romney believes that in the likes of Terry Jones, we Americans have nothing to apologize for.

Those are some great fucking values there, Mittens!

And great attempted use of the violent deaths of four Americans for your own petty political gain!

Expect Mittens’ poll numbers to continue to slide.

The Gallup daily tracking poll for months had Obama and Mittens neck and neck, with both of them at 40-something-percent each, but now has Obama at 50 percent and Mittens at 43 percent.

And an ABC News/Washington Post poll taken from September 7 through 9 showed Obama with 50 percent to Mittens’ 44 percent, and a CNN/ORC poll taken the same dates showed Obama with 52 percent to Mittens’ 46 percent. Even a Faux “News” poll taken September 9 through 11 showed Obama five points ahead, 48 percent to 43 percent.

Maybe this is Obama’s post-convention bounce, but I expect Obama to maintain a lead of at least 4 percent or 5 percent from now until Election Day.

All that Mittens has to do to ensure Obama’s re-election, it seems to me, is to continue to open his fucking mouth.

Next month’s three presidential debates should be great fucking entertainment.

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White-trash ‘pastor’ endangers Americans

Updated below (on Tuesday, April 5, 2011)

Afghan protestors walk with sticks, as they carry ...

Associated Press photo

In Kandahar today, Afghanis protest the March 20 burning of a copy of the Koran by a fucktarded American “Christian” “pastor” in Florida who admits that he doesn’t know much about the Muslim holy book. Thus far more than 20 people have been killed in two days of protests in the Muslim nation in which the U.S. military has had operations for a decade.

Wow, is the world interconnected.

Terry Jones, a white-trash “pastor” with a congregation of only about 50 fellow white-trash mouth-breathers, burned a Koran in his white-trash “church”* in Gainesville, Florida, and thus far more than 20 people have been killed in Afghanistan in protests against the “pastor’s” desecration of the Muslim holy book.

What this is in a nutshell, methinks, is stupid upon stupid.

You have Jones, whose biography on Wikipedia indicates that he never went to college but that did use the title of “doctor,” which got him into trouble when he was living in Cologne, Germany, for more than three decades as a “Christian” missionary. Someone who knew him in Cologne said of him, “He didn’t project the biblical values and Christianity, but always made himself the center of everything.” Which sure sounds an awful fucking lot like the Jones we know here in the United States; he calls his “church” the “Dove World Outreach Center,” which certainly sounds like he’s reaching out to the world in peace, but instead of world peace, he’s bringing about only death and destruction.

Jones felt the need to “put the Koran on trial” at his white-trash “church” in Florida on March 20. The Koran was “found guilty” of whatever and its “punishment” was immolation.

It seems to me that if you are secure in your religious beliefs, then you don’t need to pronounce your religious beliefs superior and others’ inferior, but Jones and his gene-pool-polluting ilk are not secure in their beliefs. So they torched a Koran. Which proves their superiority. Or something.

When it comes down to it, logically and rationally, it was just the burning of a book. It could have been any book — a cookbook, a phone book, a school textbook. The physical world isn’t harmed by the burning of a book.

But just as Jones and his incredibly fucktarded followers put meaning into their torching of the Koran, apparently not very bright, apparently pretty brainwashed people across the globe — the apparent fundamentalist counterparts to Jones and his followers — also put a lot of meaning into that action. They could have seen the book burning for what it was: just a book burning by the pathetically small-minded. Nothing more to see here. Move along.

Instead, they very apparently believe that they have to take the book burning in the manner in which it was intended: as an affront. To the most brainwashed of them, for some obscure, podunk white-trash “pastor” to burn a copy of the Koran in the United States is something for them to die or to kill for (or both).

Terry Jones, being a “Christo”fascist, of course insists that he’s not responsible for the death of anyone (“Christo”fascists by definition never take responsibility for anything, being perfect and “saved” themselves while being surrounded by a world of “sinners”), even though he had declared September 11, 2010, as “International Burn a Koran Day,” as you can see from the news photo below.

Reuters photo

After much international media attention, Jones ultimately decided not to go through with “International Burn a Koran Day” in September, but apparently he just couldn’t take it anymore and so he torched a copy in his “church” on March 20.

Jones says that he’s not responsible for the deadly backlash — even though if he had not “put the Koran on trial,” “found it guilty” and then torched it, then no one would have died in the backlash in Afghanistan. The dots doth connect. That much is inarguable.

Now, I’m a proponent of the First Amendment — the right-wing fascists (most of them being “Christo”fascists) would silence me in a fucking heartbeat if they could — but what happens when self-serving assholes like Jones pull self-serving media stunts like the one above (you can tell that he just hates all of that media attention, can’t you?) is that he then becomes, to millions of people in other nations, the face of the United States of America.

And I don’t want Terry Jones representing me.

And Jones has entered the gray zone of the First Amendment. Case law generally has found that your First Amendment rights end where endangering others begins. The most trite example of this is the fact that falsely screaming “fire!” in a crowded building, which can cause panic and thus injury or death, is not considered to be protected speech.

U.S. Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr., the source of the screaming “fire!” example, wrote that “The question in every case is whether the words used are used in such circumstances and are of such a nature as to create a clear and present danger that they will bring about the substantive evils that Congress has a right to prevent.”

It is fairly predictable these days that to so publicly antagonize Muslims as Terry Jones has done is going to get someone killed somewhere.

The question then becomes: Which is more important? To protect the ability of fucktards like Terry Jones to get their rocks off by garnering media attention with their “messages” of ignorance and hatred and self-promotion — or to protect public safety?

Terry Jones is a piece of shit. He adds no value to the world. His “message” — which apparently is that the response to his Muslim-baiting “definitely does prove that there is a radical element of Islam” (which is like provoking an animal with a sharp stick and then pointing out how inherently vicious that animal is) — is not worth protecting, not when it so predictably costs lives.

You might disagree with me now, but when he costs lives on American soil, get back to me then.

*Lest you think that I’m being harsh or unfair, the AFP reports:

Don Northrup founded the church “in the living room of his home” in 1986 in Gainesville, according to the church’s website. Members raised $150,000 to build the church in its current location.

Northrup died in 1996 and [Terry] Jones took over several years later.

The church’s website encourages visitors to donate money and offers for sale coffee mugs, t-shirts and caps — all featuring anti-Islam slogans.

The website also rails against homosexuality and abortion.

Despite his beliefs about Islam, Jones said: “We’re not Koran experts.” He added, “I would not consider myself an expert on the Bible.”

Luke Jones, 29, said he and his father are “common people.”

“We’ve not studied the Koran, but we still have an opinion. We’re actually not educated. We’re common people,” said the son, who also is a pastor at the church.

“We’re actually not educated”shocker! – but that doesn’t stop them from broadcasting their anti-Islamic rhetoric to the world at a time when their nation already is involved in misguided wars in the Muslim world.

Nice.

Update (Tuesday, April 5, 2011):

I just want to make clear that I don’t agree with the likes of Repugnican U.S. Sen. Lindsey Graham, who says that Terry Jones should be silenced because Jones’ form of speech endangers our troops in the Middle East.

Our stormtroopers shouldn’t even be in the Middle East, so that argument is bullshit. The fact that our stormtroopers are in the Middle East, slaughtering civilians right and left — even being photographed with their victims, as though their victims were deer or something — alone is cause for Middle Easterners to (want to) retaliate against Americans. So let’s not let shitty U.S. foreign policy and shameless war profiteering off of the hook by blaming U.S. citizens for the blowback.

My problem with “Pastor” Jones’ form of speech is that the Muslim world has been persecuted more than enough by the United States for the past decade; his adding more fuel to the fire isn’t helpful. That and, as an atheist, I’m sick of being in the middle of religious retards’ unholy wars. Jones actually has said that the U.S. should retaliate against the recent deaths of the United Nations workers that his Koran burning caused.

You know, pieces of right-wing, theocratic, white-trash shit like Terry Jones are not worth even more loss of human life.

Jones has caused enough damage already and should shut the fuck up.

But I don’t support any formal, governmental curtailment of his First Amendment rights. Not at this time, anyway, and it’s unlikely that I’ll feel differently about that in the future, I think.

Hopefully, Jones will be made a pariah, if he hasn’t already been, and that will have the same effect. And if the sensationalistic corporately owned and controlled media would stop giving the media spotlight to fucktards like Jones — only because it’s sensationalistic — that would be helpful, too.

While I wouldn’t shed a tear if some “Islamofascist” were to take Jones out, the last thing that we need now is some sort of back-and-forth thing here at home between the “Christo”fascists and the “Islamofascists.” We have enough problems already.

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This is all I’m going to say about 9/11

The unelected Bush regime beat the nation over the head with 9/11 for many years, so sue me if I long have been 9/11’d out.

As nightmarish as it was to have had to experience the reign of BushCheneyCorp after the stupid, fat and lazy American public just allowed the right-wing thieves (redundant…) to steal the White House in late 200o, the traitors who comprised the Bush regime were, in their own sick, twisted and treasonous way, brilliant. I mean, they took a spectacularly tragic event that they’d been warned about but did not prevent — and used it for political gain.   

It was only until the mid-term elections of 2006 that the Repugnicans no longer could wave the bloody shirt of 9/11 for political gain.

What have we Americans learned since Sept. 11, 2001?

Absofuckinglutely nothing.

We were attacked on Sept. 11, 2001, because we wantonly had slaughtered Muslims, or allowed them to be slaughtered or allowed or caused them to die, in the Middle East. In fact, the main reasons given by 9/11 mastermind Osama bin Laden himself (and other members of al-Qaeda) for 9/11 were: the U.S.-led sanctions against Iraq in the 1990s, which resulted in the deaths of untold numbers of Iraqi civilians, including children; the presence of the U.S. military in Saudi Arabia after the first George Bush war on Iraq; and the U.S. government’s blind, slavish support of Israel.

So: What has changed since then?

Well, let’s see: The U.S. killed even more innocent Iraqi civilians in George W. Bush’s Vietraq War for Big Oil and for the war profiteering of the war profiteers, such as Dick Cheney’s Halliburton; the U.S. military moved its main base in the Middle East from Saudi Arabia to Iraq, which, to my understanding, still violates the fundamentalist Islamist belief that no infidel should be allowed to occupy Muslim land; and the U.S. government still licks the ass of Israel, which can do no wrong and which enjoys the blind, slavish support of both parties in the duopolistic dog and pony show that we call “democracy.”

While I’m not asserting that when Osama bin Laden shouts “Jump!” Americans should ask “How high?”, it seems clear to me that Americans are hated around the world because they just allow their government and their military (which are only in the service of the corporatocrats and the plutocrats) to shit and piss upon the poorer, weaker peoples all around the globe — yet these same Americans fully expect to be adored around the world just the same.

Why do they hate us?

They hate us because we’re stupid.

They hate us because we’re xenophobic — we don’t even bother to try to learn about other cultures, but we function from the stubborn but incorrect belief that other cultures have just failed at being us. We just assume that they want to be just like us (they don’t) but that they just can’t pull it off because they don’t have what it takes.

They hate us because we’re hypocrites. (To give just one of many examples, the U.S. government maintains that Israel may have nukes but that Iran may not. And for the only nation ever to have nuked another nation to be dictating who does and who does not get to have nukes — because you just can’t allow one nation to nuke another nation —  is pretty fucking insanely hypocritical.)

They hate us because we have no empathy whatsofuckingever. We use the occasion of the anniversary of 9/11 to wallow mawkishly in our own national pity party about the 3,000 or so Americans who were killed on Sept. 11, 2001, while we don’t say a word about the tens of thousands of civilians whom we allowed our government to kill or cause to die in Iraq using 9/11 as a pretext. We talk only about American losses because we consider only Americans to be fully human. Yes, they hate us because we don’t consider them to be fully human.

They hate us because we’re greedy, fat and lazy — and that we use violence around the globe to support our ability to be fat and lazy.

They hate us because we’re destroying the very planet, such as with global warming.

They hate us because we are, in a word, Rome, which I surmise also was rather hated throughout the world.

We fat, lazy and stupid Americans should remember: Rome fell.

Happy International Burn a Koran Day.

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Americans are fucking STUPID

Terry Jones

Terry Jones

A candidate for a Darwin Award is pictured above in Gainesville, Florida. (The dipshit already has been burned in effigy in Afghanistan, pictured below.) “Muslims consider the Koran to be the word of God and insist [that] it be treated with the utmost respect, along with any printed material containing its verses or the name of Allah or the Prophet Mohammed,” explains The Associated Press, adding, “Any intentional damage or show of disrespect to the Koran is deeply offensive.”

Afghans burn an effigy of Dove World Outreach ...

Afghans burn an effigy of Dove World Outreach ...

Associated Press photos

Chapter 9 of Rick Shenkman’s Just How Stupid Are We?: Facing the Truth About the American Voter is titled, “We Can’t Even Talk About How Stupid We Are.”

He notes that the powers that be, including the mainstream media and even so-called progressive politicians, very rarely come out and say it: A huge chunk of Americans are just plain fucking stupid. They should donate their organs now to those who could make better use of them. It would be doing the gene pool a favor.

I’ll say it. Gladly. Which is why, despite my journalism degree, I couldn’t make it in the corporately owned and controlled world of what passes for journalism here in the United States of Amnesia, where the corporately owned and controlled media only dish out to the mediated pigs what comforting slop the pigs want to consume at the mediated trough. (Fuck, I was even censored by the “progressive” AlterNet when I blogged there until my more controversial posts kept disappearing in what I was told were just “glitches.”)

We have the individual garden-variety American dipshits, like “Christo”fascist Terry Jones of Gainesville, Florida, the leader of a small Pentecostal church who intends to hold “International Burn a Koran Day” on Saturday, the anniversary of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks.

How “international” this “event” actually is I am not sure. My guess is that maybe he found some other dipshit in some other country to burn a Koran, and thus it’s “international.” You know, like the “international” support for the Vietraq War, the “coalition of the willing,” which, if memory serves, consisted of the United States, Britain and some island somewhere.

I wholeheartedly support Terry Jones’ First Amendment right to burn the Koran.

Kind of.

I remember learning in media law that one’s First Amendment rights end where others’ safety begins. Gen. David Petraeus, State Department spokesman P.J. Crowley and Obama spokesman Robert Gibbs are among the U.S. government officials who have voiced their opposition to (or at least their concern about) “International Burn a Koran Day,” citing possible if not likely endangerment to U.S. troops and American civilians by inflaming the Muslim world by burning copies of the Muslims’ sacred book.

While I’m not sure if what could happen is enough to limit someone’s free-speech rights, um, yeah, sponsoring a “Burn a Koran Day” surely opens up Americans to retaliation by the, um, more enthusiastic Islamists, methinks.

What I was kind of hoping is that Terry Jones, who sorely should be removed from the gene pool for having pissed and shit in it and who should then star in an edition of the Darwin Awards, would be the only victim of any jihadist retribution for Koran burning, but my understanding is that many if not most jihadists don’t really discriminate when it comes to retribution.

I seem to recall that Osama bin Laden himself said that al-Qaeda makes no such distiction, that when it comes to retribution for wrongs done unto the Muslim world by an American or Americans (or even by someone who is supported by the United States, such as an Israeli), any old killed American will do.

Aside from the consideration of how Jones’ wingnuttery and dipshittery probably is putting others at risk, I don’t know exactly what a Koran burning, “international” or otherwise, would accomplish. Jones already has gotten plenty of free advertising for his Podunk, backasswards church (which might have been his main objective in the first place). While burning the Koran might make Jones and his ilk feel better about their miserable selves, it’s not like the Muslim world is going to change anything because some “Christo”fascist mouth-breathers burned a bunch of Korans.

But you gotta love the name of Jones’ church: “Dove World Outreach Center.” Dove. The symbol for peace. Um, yeah….

Then there is mass dipshittery.

The political story of today is that polls show that Americans seem poised to put the Repugnicans back in charge of the U.S. House of Representatives. (Here’s The Associated Press’ take on this and here’s Politico’s.)

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this one out: The voters of the United States of Amnesia are fucking stupid. To them, George W. Bush wasn’t still “president” less than two full years ago; to them, he belongs to ancient American history already.

There’s no way in hell, even if he had owned his power and had spent his political capital like he should have, that Barack Obama could have turned around the severe damage done to the nation by George W. Bush, who inherited a record federal budget surplus from Bill Clinton when he took office and who left office with a record federal budget deficit with his bogus Vietraq War and his tax cuts for the rich (Google it), in less than two full years.

But Americans are fucking stupid. And they’re impatient and they are, as Washington Post columnist Eugene Robinson recently wrote, “spoiled brats.”

Robinson echoes Shenkman when he writes in his column, “In the punditry business, it’s considered bad form to question the essential wisdom of the American people. But at this point, it’s impossible to ignore the obvious: The American people are acting like a bunch of spoiled brats.”

But that’s as close to calling Americans stupid as Robinson gets in discussing the current schizophrenic state of the American electorate, proving Shenkman’s point that no one dares to call Americans stupid. (“Spoiled” is not the same as “stupid.”)

As Shenkman points out, those of the left and center-left usually go so far only as to assert that the voters are just duped by the lying Repugnicans, and while it’s true that the Repugnicans are fucking liars, it’s a major fucking problem that it’s as easy as it is for the Repugnicans to dupe so many fucking Americans.

Americans need to own up to their stupidity, it seems to me. Although the definition of stupidity might encompass the inability to even recognize one’s own stupidity, there’s nothing stopping those of us Americans who aren’t stupid from calling other Americans out on their stupidity — such as these stupid Americans’ perfect willingness to vote for politicians of the same party that just thoroughly trashed the nation less than two full fucking years ago.

These Americans who believe that the only way to reverse the damage caused by the unelected BushCheneyCorp is to do more of what the BushCheneyCorp did with even more vigor aren’t just duped spoiled brats. They’re abject fucktards. And those of us who are true patriots need to call them that, because if we accommodate their dipshittery even more than we already have, we will only hasten our nation’s demise.

So what if we are accused of believing that we are intellectually superior? The fact of the matter is that some people are intellectually superior to others, and it’s the intellectually superior Americans, not the dipshits, who should be running the show — especially because it’s too taboo to call a dipshit a dipshit.

(Americans aren’t just fucking stupid, I should add; they’re fucking lazy, too. While they’re still protesting in France over the right-wing president’s plan to raise the retirement age from 60 to 62 [sixty-two], would-be Repugnican Speaker of the House John Boehner’s [shudder] plan to raise the Social Security eligibility age to 70 [seventy] isn’t nearly enough to get zombified Americans off of their comfy sofas.)

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