Tag Archives: homoeroticism

‘Terrorist’-capturing Marine reservist has a very bright future in gay porn

There were media reports that right before he fired (and/or while he was firing) on his comrades at Fort Hood, Palestinian-American U.S. Army psychiatrist Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan yelled “Allahu Akbar!” — Arabic for “God is great!”

I didn’t repeat those reports because officials hadn’t substantiated them — and still haven’t, to my knowledge.

Maybe Hasan did say that — or maybe some Islamophobes made it up in order to further inflame tensions between Muslims and non-Muslims and/or to minimize the apparent fact that Hasan apparently was the victim of anti-Muslim discrimination at Fort Hood; just paint him as the radical “Islamofascist,” just put all of the blame on him.

After I read this news item from today from the St. Petersberg Times’ website, I have even greater doubt that Hasan actually yelled “Allahu Akbar!”

Tampa — Marine reservist Jasen Bruce was getting clothes out of the trunk of his car Monday evening when a bearded man in a robe approached him.

That man, a [29-year-old] Greek Orthodox priest named Father Alexios Marakis, speaks little English and was lost, police said. He wanted directions.

What the priest got instead, police say, was a tire iron to the head. Then he was chased for three blocks and pinned to the ground — as the [28-year-old] Marine kept a 911 operator on the phone, saying he had captured a terrorist.

Police say Bruce offered several reasons to explain his actions:

The man tried to rob him.

The man grabbed Bruce’s crotch and made an overt sexual advance in perfect English.

The man yelled “Allahu Akbar,” Arabic for “God is great,” the same words some witnesses said the Fort Hood shooting suspect uttered last week.

“That’s what they tell you right before they blow you up,” police say Bruce told them.

Bruce ended up in jail, accused of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. He was released [yesterday] on $7,500 bail. Marakis ended up at the hospital with stitches. He told the police he didn’t want to press charges, espousing biblical forgiveness…

You can read (and should read) the full story here.

This is the booking photo of the genius who reportedly told 911 that he’d captured a terrorist:

Jasen Bruce

The St. Petersberg Times news story that I excerpted and linked to above notes that Bruce has a blog, and that “His blog entries tout the benefits of increasing testosterone and human growth hormones.”

I couldn’t make shit like that up. But wait; it gets better. The news story also notes: “Online photo galleries depict him flexing big muscles, wearing little clothing.”

Boy, do I feel so much safer knowing that the U.S. military is chock full of winners like Jasen Bruce, who’s all about increasing his testosterone level and posting homoerotic images of himself on the Internet for all the world to see!

Why a Greek Orthodox priest would yell “Allahu Akbar!” when he is Christian and not Muslim escapes me. But surely a member of the U.S. military, especially a white (presumably “Christian”) male, would not lie!

Will President Barack Obama, now that he’s done giving the obligatory post-massacre presidential oratory at Fort Hood, be a leader in encouraging non-Muslim and non-Arab Americans not to attack individuals who are different than they are?

Because having to live through the post-9/11 hysteria and xenophobia once was more than enough.

P.S. A Google search of “Jasen Bruce” reveals these rather revealing photos of him from a blog titled “Mad About the Boys”:

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Again, I couldn’t make shit like this up…

And please excuse me, because I need to go jack off now…

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‘Watchmen’ is barely worth watching

A computer-animated Billy Crudup, as Dr. Manhattan, replicates himself in a still from “Watchmen.” (What’s below the good doctor’s waistline is even more impressive…)

I love ensemble super-hero movies. The X-Men movies are my favorite, but I enjoyed the Fantasic Four and the Hellboy movies, too.

“Watchmen,” however, disappoints.

I can get over (maybe “get into” is more accurate) the alternate universe of “Watchmen,” in which the United States won the Vietnam War and in which Richard Nixon, because presidential term limits were abolished, is still president in 1985, and in which the Cold War is at its height, with nuclear war between the United States and the Soviet Union looming large.

But the mixture of super-heroes in “Watchmen” doesn’t make sense.

In “Watchmen” you have (in no certain order) the Joker and/or Scarecrow-like Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley), who is psychopathically violent but who is on the side of the good guys; Nite Owl II (Patrick Wilson), who is a likeable-enough but rather weak Batman knock-off; the cigar-chomping, murderous Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), who belongs behind bars instead of out on the streets; Ozymandias (Matthew Goode), whose powers (if he really has any) are not fully explained (and is he gay or what?); and Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup), whose powers are so great that he not only doesn’t belong in the same room with the other “Watchmen,” but he doesn’t even belong on the same planet with them — and, in fact, in “Watchmen” he spends a good deal of time on Mars (no kidding).

Then there is Silk Spectre II (Malin Akerman), whose powers probably are the least of everyone’s (she has great martial arts skills and wears a tight yellow and black super-hero suit that is somewhat reminiscent of Uma Thurman’s outfit in “Kill Bill,” but that’s about it), yet she is paired romantically with Dr. Manhattan, whose powers exceed those of even Superman; the good doctor can bilocate (well, poly-locate), make himself as large or small as he pleases, blow things (including people) up with his mind and otherwise manipulate matter with ease, reassamble himself after he has been disassembled, and teleport himself and others (yes, even to the planet Mars).

This mixing and matching of super-heroes with such disparities in their abilities doesn’t really work and makes “Watchmen” a rather convoluted mess.

“Watchmen” has its moments, to be sure, but overall, even Dr. Manhattan, with all of his super-powers, can’t keep the crazy quilt of a movie together.

And director Zack Snyder, who brought us the awful “300,” needs therapy. (Maybe Mel Gibson can be his roommate in the rehab that they both seem to need, since their directorial tastes seem to be so similar.) Gratuitous violence in “Watchmen” includes the unnecessary severing of a thug’s arms with a power saw and a scene in which dogs fight over the remains of a murdered little girl. Ewwwww! (The “real” story of the assassination of JFK, however, while probably unnecessarily graphic, is fairly inventive, however.)

And Snyder apparently felt the need to make the vast majority of us males feel woefully inadequate by endowing Dr. Manhattan with a large flaccid phallus.

The average human’s penis is only about three inches when flaccid, but the blue-hued bald and buff Dr. Manhattan, who struts around nude in most of “Watchmen,” sports what appears to be at least four to five — hell, maybe even six — inches. Flaccid. (And remember, he can make himself as large as he wants to! We’re talking rather unlimited actual penis size!)

And we don’t get just glimpses of Dr. Manhattan’s big blue thing; we really get to know it.

My guess is that Snyder, who seems to have almost as much of an obsession with the male body that I and other gay men do, was disappointed that he apparently couldn’t show us dick in “300,” and so he made up for it with Dr. Mahattan in “Watchmen.”  

(While Billy Crudup probably would love to claim that Dr. Manhattan’s big blue penis is modeled after his own manparts, Dr. Manhattan’s penis appears to be entirely computer generated, and I’m sure that plenty of homegrown computer-animated porn featuring Dr. Manhattan will crop up on the Internet if it hasn’t already. [I know that I’ll be searching for it…]) 

I guess that we can expect more gory and homoerotic testosterone flicks from Snyder, since “300” and “Watchmen” have done so well at the box office.

It’s just too bad that “Watchmen” wasn’t put in the hands of a more capable director.

Snyder didn’t even make good use of the underrated talent of Billy Crudup, who in most of “Watchmen” is computer generated. Even though I never mind seeing a large weenis on the screen, even a blue, computer-animated one, I very much would like to have seen more of the actual Crudup in “Watchmen.”

My grade: B- 

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