Tag Archives: Eric Massa

Yeah, I’d Tickle That: Day Two (or, Andy Makes Me Randy)

Andy Samberg. >Sigh.<

I would give my left nut for a night with “Saturday Night Live’s” Andy Samberg.

Andy is adorable and talented, regularly playing not only a foul-mouthed, not-to-be-fucked-with Rahm Emanuel for “SNL,” but also creating “digital shorts,” my favorite of which remains “Iran So Far” (but “Jizz in My Pants” is, um, memorable, too…).

To my knowledge, Andy thus far mostly has had small film roles, none of them breakthroughs, but I think that he could carry a big film.

Andy reportedly is straight (I note that because surely if he were gay I’d have a chance…) and in one recent “SNL” skit he hilariously plays a young man fending off a snorkeling Eric Massa, who was my inspiration for this week-long series.

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Better late than never to come out

I still remember a cartoon that I saw years ago as a minor. I believe that it was in one of my older brother’s issues of Hustler, which I enjoyed for the occasional male who was featured along with a female in one of the, um, pictorials.

In the cartoon, two ancient wheelchair-bound men sit next to each other on a porch.

“I’ve always loved you, too!” one of them declares to the other.

It was a funny, but a sad, cartoon: by the time the two men finally declared their love for each other, they didn’t have much time left.

(OK, so I probably overexplained the ’toon, as I am wont to do, but please indulge me…)

An Associated Press story on how people are coming out later in life reminded me of that ’toon.

The news story is more anecdotal than anything else, and it makes the error of lumping transgendered individuals in with gay men and lesbians — something to which both camps often object, as there is a significant difference between being sexually attracted to members of your own sex and feeling like you are a female in a biologically male body or a male in a biologically female body — but the news story is worth reading.

Excerpts:

Increased awareness and acceptance of varied sexualities and gender identities has led Americans to come out far younger, as early as middle school.

A less noticed but parallel shift is happening at the other end of the age spectrum, with people in their 60s, 70s and 80s coming to terms with the truth that they are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.

While no one tracks the numbers of the elderly who come out, those who work with older adults say the trend is undeniable, and a resulting network of support groups and services has cropped up.

The decision can fracture lifelong relationships. Or it can bring the long-sought relief of an unloaded secret….

Outing yourself late in life can be complicated after having lived through times when being openly gay could get you arrested, put in an institution and given shock treatments. It’s snarled in a lifetime of trudging along through society’s view of normalcy and the resulting fear of being ostracized by children and grandchildren. And it’s marked by a nagging doubt that all the heartache, all the potential for it to go wrong, may not be worth it with one’s years numbered.

“When somebody comes out at the age of 20, they have their whole life ahead of them,” said Karen Taylor, the director of training and advocacy for SAGE, a national group that works with LGBT seniors. “There’s a real sense of regret and loss for somebody who comes out later in life, even when talking to them and they say the decision was the right one.”

Still, many seniors have felt empowered by the growing presence of gays and lesbians in pop culture and some high-profile, late-in-life outings…. Those who’ve mustered the gumption to out themselves say they feel as if they’ve been given a second chance….

Dr. Loren Olson, a psychiatrist in Des Moines, Iowa, who has studied late-in-life outings, said for most such seniors, there are losses, though they are typically less than they fear, and often vary greatly by socioeconomics.

Olson himself was 40 before he came out. While it may seem incomprehensible to some, he said it makes sense that many can’t face the truth for so long, even if some around them have surmised it.

“We don’t like disharmony in our thinking so sometimes we block out things that really are in opposition to really what we believe is true,” he said. “It’s like a child believing in Santa Claus: You just hang on to that as long as you can.” …

Let go of Santa, I say to those who are in the closet, especially those who probably can come out without the sky actually falling.

I have not been a big fan of closet cases, but I’m trying to be more patient with and understanding of them. There is that delicate balance, I think: Play along with the closet case’s game, and what incentive does he or she have to come out? But push him or her too far, and couldn’t that cause damage, too?

Still, my general belief is that for most people in the closet, coming out would not be nearly as catastrophic as they apparently think it would.

Often, people already know, and their response is something along the lines of “No duh!”

Those who have a problem with you being non-heterosexual — why do you want them in your life anyway?

It’s never too soon or too late to start being who you are. The time to be who you are is right now.

If you are contemplating coming out, you might find that the Human Rights Campaign has some valuable resources on coming out. Click here.

Finally, if you must remain in the closet, don’t be a Massa. Don’t claim to be straight while sexually harassing members of your own sex. As much as I love to be in the know, I don’t want to have to learn new sexual slang, such as “snorkeling,” as the result of your having sexually acted out. “Tea-bagging” was enough, thank you.

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Yeah, I’d Tickle That: Day One (or, I’m Gay for Ray)

Ray William Johnson

Since it has been established that guys tickling other guys is in no way sexual and therefore in no way gay, with former Rep. Eric Massa (a.k.a. “Tickle Me Eric”) as my inspiration, today I start my week-long series titled, “Yeah, I’d Tickle That.”

Today’s ticklee: YouTube star Ray William Johnson.

Never heard of him?

How sad for you!

I stumbled across this talented, tickle-worthy hottie a little while ago.

Mostly he’s funny, but even when he isn’t so funny, his delivery is so adorable that I don’t care. He could post videos of himself just brushing his teeth and I’d still watch.

Ray has two channels on YouTube, “=3” , in which he features viral videos with his own commentary, and “BreakingNYC,” which is more autobiographical.

With his captivating presence, I’m surprised that Ray isn’t on television or in the movies, and my guess is that in the not-too-distant future, if that’s what he desires, then he will be.

As far as I can tell, Ray ain’t gay. However, he seems homo-friendly, and if he doesn’t mind having a gay-male fan base (and I don’t think that he would), with wider exposure, I think, he’d have it.

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Big gay roundup!

gay_cowboy51.jpg sexy cowboys image by shaunte1223

Gay Repugnican’s coming out gets mixed reviews 

Reaction to Repugnican California state Sen. Roy Ashburn’s having come out of the closet yesterday — involuntarily, as the result of chatter after he was arrested on March 3 for DUI after having driven away from a Sacramento gay bar — has been mixed.

Ashburn, the first Repugnican California state legislator to have come out of the closet (which tells you something about how backfuckingasswards the Repugnican Party is), received a fairly warm, or at least a not hostile, reception when he returned to the state Senate yesterday, The Sacramento Bee reports.

Homo-hating wingnuts, however, have gone so far as to say that Ashburn isn’t really gay — indeed, that no one is, that being gay is, of course, a “choice.”

Reports the Bee:

Benjamin Lopez, state lobbyist for the Traditional Values Coalition, said that the coalition’s founder, the Rev. Lou Sheldon, is offering to counsel Ashburn to help him turn away from being gay. [Because “reparative” or “conversion” “therapy” has been sooooo successful!]

“I don’t know why Roy strayed,” said Lopez, who appeared with Ashburn at [an] anti-gay marriage rally in 2005.

“I think it’s more sad than hypocritical,” Lopez said. “We hope he comes to terms with whatever is making him make a choice to be a gay man.”

Gee, I wonder if the oh-so-fucking-helpful “Traditional Values Coalition” offers black people “counseling” to help them with their “choice” to be black instead of the much more preferable white.

Not to be outdone by the “Traditional Values Coalition” (the Ku Klux Klan is the keeper of certain “traditional values” as well), homo-hater Randy Thomasson has called on Ashburn to resign.

The Bee quotes Thomasson as having said that “no one is truly gay” and that the divorced Ashburn “vowed to be faithful to his wife, then broke his vows when he chose homosexuality over his marriage.”

There’s that being-homosexual-is-a-“choice” lie again.

Google Thomasson’s image and he’ll probably set off your gaydar, too. Memo to Miss Randy: The man-lady doth protest too much, methinks.

Seriously: How many heterosexual men are fixated on homosexuality to the point that they make it their life’s work? Um, yeah…

Anyway, part of me thinks that Ashburn deserves a good ass-whupping for having been a traitor to his “chosen” tribe by having voted against pro-gay legislation for all of those years in the California Legislature.

However, for all I know, he likes ass-whuppings, and I suppose that if the penalty for coming out (even for traitors like Ashburn) is too harsh, it will dissuade others from coming out, and the more of us who are out, the better.

Et tu, Massa?

The Washington Post reports that recently resigned Democratic U.S. Rep. Eric Massa of New York is under investigation not only for having verbally sexually harassed male staff, but for having groped male staff, too — starting at least a year ago.

Maybe it’s time for Massa — who apparently has been trying to take the attention away from his apparently busy hands by claiming first that he was resigning because of cancer and then because he has been a victim of pressure to vote for “Obamacare” — to take some inspiration from Roy Ashburn and come out of the fucking closet already.

Hell, Ashburn is 55 and Massa is 50. Maybe they’re a match! Ashburn is divorced, but Massa is still heterosexually married, though. Until his wife divorces him for being gay.

Catholick sexual abuse hits close to Pope Palpatine

FILE - In this Sept. 13, 2006 file picture Pope Benedict XVI, ...

Associated Press photo

Pope Palpatine, right, and his older brother Georg, who is a priest, are shown in Germany in 2006.

It’s hard to keep up with the child sexual abuse scandals within the Catholick church, but the latest is interesting because it involves Pope Palpatine’s brother.

Priest Georg Ratzinger, Palpatine’s 86-year-0ld bro (Palpatine is 82 and his real name is Joseph Ratzinger), cops to having slapped around some members of a Catholick boys’ choir in Germany when he ran it from 1964 to 1994, and admits that he was aware of some physical abuse of the boys, but claims that he was unaware that some of the choirboys had been sexually abused, too, reports The Associated Press.

I don’t know. It seems fairly safe to me at this point to assume that at least every other Catholick authority figure has sexually abused a child at least once.

The Catholick church has not a shred of respectability or credibility left; it’s gone quite to hell.

Maybe one day actual Christianity — that is, people actually knowing and following the teachings of Jesus Christ — will become popular.

(I’m not equating the sexual abuse of children with homosexuality, by the way. I just needed a place to put this little news tidbit…)

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Sexual orientation is quite relevant to the victims of closet cases

California state Sen. Roy Ashburn, a Repugnican, top, and U.S. Rep. Eric Massa of New York, a Democrat, are the latest prominent politicians embroiled in political same-sex sex scandals. Ashburn has maintained that his sexual orientation is irrelevant, even though he consistently has voted against equal human and civil rights for his fellow non-heterosexuals.

Political scandals of any type come as no surprise to me.

“Politics,” to me, broadly means “the use of power.”

Many if not even most people don’t know how to handle responsibly any significant power that they come into. To me, there are two major ways that a significant amount of personal political power can be used: (1) to help as many other people as possible in ways that are transparent and legal and ethical, or (2) to help oneself and one’s cronies (this would include one’s political friends, one’s campaign contributors and one’s friends and family members), usually in ways that are kept hidden in the dark and are at least unethical if not also illegal.

Unfortunately, most people who come into power see the purpose of politics not as the first, but as the second. They might pay plenty of lip service to the first, but their deeds demonstrate their allegiance to the second.

In power plays, we usually see two things involved: sex or money (or both). This is because personal power so often is exchanged in money or in sex (or both).

Monetary scandals rather bore most of us. It’s the sexual scandals that we really pay attention to.

And of the sex scandals, it’s the gay sex scandals that really capture our attention.

Recently, first there was Democratic U.S. Rep. Eric Massa of New York, who resigned yesterday. He more or less used cancer as his official reason for resigning, but the word is that he sexually harassed a male staffer. Details of the alleged sexual harassment, which Massa at first apparently denied but then apparently admitted, are sketchy, but it appears as though the sexual harassment was verbal, not physical.

Adding to the scandal is that Massa, 50, was in the U.S. Navy for more than two decades, which probably helped him win his seat in his Repugnican-dominated district, and that he has a wife, two sons and a daughter.

Gay political sex scandals are bipartisan, of course.

The Sacramento Bee today reports:

A prominent Republican [California] state senator arrested on suspicion of drunken driving this week in Sacramento has taken a personal leave through Sunday from the upper house.

State Sen. Roy Ashburn of Bakersfield, a 14-year veteran of the Legislature, was arrested at about 2 a.m. Wednesday while driving his state-issued car near the state Capitol.

Ashburn later issued a written apology, but the arrest catapulted his personal life into a very public spotlight.

A Sacramento TV station reported that unnamed sources saw Ashburn at a gay bar the night before the arrest, setting off a media frenzy that stretched from the blogosphere to late-night television talk shows.

Ashburn’s hometown paper, the Bakersfield Californian, printed excerpts from an unpublished interview he did last year in which the divorced father declined to address rumors he was gay.

“Why would that be anyone’s business?” he told a columnist. “I think there are certain subjects that are simply not relevant, and this is one of them.”

But in a world where activists have the ability to instantly hold politicians accountable for any inconsistency between their public actions and personal behavior, some say sexual orientation is entirely relevant.

West Sacramento Mayor Christopher Cabaldon, an openly gay Democrat, told The Bee and other media he had spotted Ashburn at other gay bars in Sacramento in recent months.

“I don’t think it’s a scandal for an elected official to be gay,” Cabaldon said. “But if you’re going to vote against every piece of hate-crimes legislation (to protect gays), that’s hypocritical.”

In the interview, Ashburn said he didn’t believe he had been a staunch anti-gay activist, insisting the way he had voted on social issues reflected his constituents’ views.

Ashburn, who is in his last year representing a bedrock conservative region, organized a Traditional Values Coalition rally in Bakersfield in 2005 to support a proposed constitutional amendment that year to prohibit gay marriage.

Ashburn also touted his support for Proposition 22, [an anti-]gay-marriage ballot initiative, calling himself a co-sponsor at the 2000 measure.

Equality California, a gay rights group, gave Ashburn a “zero percent” for his 2009 voting record.

Ashburn voted against bills that included expanding California’s mental health services for gay youths and measures to protect gay prisoners from violence – which won some GOP votes – and creating a day to honor slain gay activist Harvey Milk.

An Ashburn aide said Friday the senator had no response to questions about his sexual orientation, adding that aides didn’t know if Ashburn would appear Monday for a Senate floor session….

Ashburn is a textbook case right out of the excellent documentary “Outrage”: A closeted, usually Repugnican politician who works against equal human and civil rights for non-heterosexuals. A despicable fucking hypocrite and a fucking traitor to his tribe.

Yes, Assburn, if you are a non-heterosexual legislator who votes against equal human and civil rights for non-heterosexuals, then your sexual orientation is quite relevant, quite relevant to those whose equal human and civil rights you are obstructing because you are ashamed of your own sexual orientation.

And if you are a non-heterosexual man posing as heterosexual but you sexually harass your male co-workers or your male underlings (as has happened to me at the workplace, so I know something about this), then your sexual orientation is relevant; you have made it quite relevant to the victims of your sexual harassment.

And if you are a non-heterosexual male but you have heterosexually married and have had children, guess what? Your sexual orientation is quite relevant to your wife and kids.

If you are a closet case who actually manages to keep your sexual orientation entirely to yourself — which is damn near impossible, unless you live alone in a remote cave, as we are a social species — then perhaps we can say that your sexual orientation is “irrelevant.” (After all, if one actually is asexual or nearly so, then one’s sexual orientation indeed would be fairly irrelevant, at least to other people.)

Those who maintain that one’s sexual orientation is “private” or “irrelevant” or the like — especially when one has made his or her sexual orientation other people’s business — are homophobes.

The only reason that you would maintain that something as basic to oneself as one’s sexual orientation is “private” or “no one’s business” or “irrelevant” or the like is that your core belief about non-heterosexuality is that it is wrong and shameful.

You only enshroud in darkness that which you believe does not belong in the light.

There is nothing wrong with or shameful about non-heterosexuality.

There is something wrong with lying, such as lying about one’s sexual orientation, and there is something wrong with misusing one’s sexual power, such as in the case of sexual harassment.

That is the lesson that we need to take away from the gay political sex scandals.

As long as non-heterosexuality itself remains stigmatized, closet cases will continue to do their damage to others.

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