Tag Archives: Bill Maher

This ain’t Jesus. Get over it.

BIG REVEAL: Information

This computer-generated image purports to be what the historical Jesus Christ looked like shortly after his death — as though it really matters what the historical Jesus looked like. (But still, wouldn’t Jesus’ loved ones have washed the blood off of his body?)

Every Easter, the Jesus crap gets trotted out and retreaded.

I remember when “The Passion of the Christ,” Mel Gibson’s sick and twisted Jesus Christ snuff film (in which Satan is portrayed as an androgyne or a gay man or a lesbian or something…), came out just in time for Easter 2004, and the “Christian” world acted as though the film was the Second Coming of Christ himself, and that to get your sinful ass to a movie theater and watch it was tantamount to being saved.

The film’s influence on the “Christian” world was such that a co-worker of mine remarked, in all seriousness, that the bit in which Satan is portrayed not as a heterosexual male but as an androgyne or a gay man or something not quite heterosexually male or female is biblically accurate. Um, no, it’s not, and we non-heterosexuals didn’t need to be blamed by Mel Gibson for having killed Jesus. (After all, everyone knows that it was the Jews who did that. [I kid! Ha ha!])

But I digress.

This year we don’t have a prequel to “The Passion of the Christ,” but we do have The History Channel’s “The Real Face of Jesus?” — a sensationalistic program that more or less asserts that 3-D images generated from the Shroud of Turin by computer geeks are an accurate depiction of the actual face of the historical Jesus Christ. (The History Channel so very helpfully has a DVD of the show available for $24.95. Buy it today so that you, too, aren’t left behind!)

Of course The History Channel hasn’t unveiled a depiction of the face of the historical Jesus, since the Shroud of Turin was carbon dated by scientists to have originated more than 1,000 years after the death of the historical Jesus. (Google it.)

But facts never get in the way of “faith.”

True believers in the shroud assert that the portion of the cloth that was carbon dated by three different labs that all reached the same conclusion must have been a patch that was added to shroud some centuries later.

Riiight…

Well, let’s do more tests, then! (Something tells me that the Catholick church won’t allow that, since the shroud is a great dupe magnet.)

What I don’t get is why it fucking matters what Jesus Christ looked like. We can assume that he looked like the Jews of his time and place, of course, and not like the ridiculously Anglicized versions of him. Beyond that, what do we really need to know about the historical Jesus’ physical appearance?

Let’s say that the Shroud of Turin is the authentic burial cloth of Jesus. (Of course it isn’t, and the carbon dating aside, what would the chances be that such an artifact would have been preserved for two millenia after the death of a man who at the time of his death was pretty much a peasant? Sure, the remains and relics of royalty were preserved, such as in Egypt, but Jesus wasn’t royalty, so to speak, until well after his death.)

What good would it do anyone to know what Jesus Christ looked like?

Similarly, the pointless obsession with Jesus’ crucifixion. Jesus’ crucifixion in and of itself isn’t helpful to anyone. Wallowing in recreated crucifixion gore, such as watching “The Passion of the Christ” or even witnessing or even participating in the reenactments of the crucifixion that take place this time of year around the world (with actual nailings of Jesus reenactors in the Philippines), certainly isn’t going to make someone a better person.

Actually following Jesus’ teachings, however, might actually make someone a better person. But we can’t have that!

Better to wallow in the myth and superstition surrounding Jesus, and to simply state that one “believes” and thus is “saved,” than to do the hard work of improving ourselves, the work that Jesus is quoted in the New Testament of having called on us to do.

“Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect,” Jesus taught.

Perfection.

Yikes!

Much easier to just watch “The Passion of the Christ” or “The Real Face of Jesus?” (or better, both), proclaim oneself “saved” and be done with it!

Also this Easter, not only do we have the “real face” of Jesus (available on DVD for the low price of $24.95), but we have the continuing implosion of the Catholick church.

You know that the Catholick church is in some pretty deep shit when it insinuates that the criticism leveled at it for having permitted the sexual abuse of children for decades is akin to what the Jews went through in the Holocaust.

Look, it’s bad enough when Jews who never suffered in the Holocaust hide behind the Holocaust, such as to justify Israel’s Nazi-like treatment of the Palestinians and the other Arabs it slaughters with U.S. military and financial aid. But Catholicks using the H card?

With apologies to Bill Maher (whose “Religulous” I recommend):

New rule: If you aren’t at least Jewish, you may not hide behind the Holocaust; you may not use the H card as your “Get out of jail free” card.

The collapse of the Catholick church would be a good thing. Where it comes to spirituality, no one needs an intermediary, especially a pedophilic behemoth dinosaur like the Catholick church.

You want to know about the “real Jesus”?

Read the New Testament, especially Matthew and Mark, the two gospels that biblical scholars believe are the most accurate of the four canonized gospels (with John, the canonized gospel most quoted by the institutionalized “Christian” churches, being the least accurate, according to the scholars).

Better yet, read the Gospel of Thomas, which predates the four canonized gospels and contains only Jesus’ moral teachings. Obviously, the crap about Jesus’ “virgin birth” and “resurrection” and “miracles” was added in the years long after Jesus’ death, and for centuries this fabricated, ridiculous mythology has allowed the unscrupulous, such as the evil men who historically have filled the Catholick church, up to and including Pope Palpatine, to brainwash and to oppress millions and millions of others.

The historical Jesus Christ essentially taught one thing: Love.

“Salvation” is through love — not through believing, against logic and reason and factual evidence, such fabricated myths as virgin births, resurrections and other assorted miracles.

And no one religion or creed has a monopoly on love.

It is the birthright of all of us.

Happy Easter.

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