I have dildos older than that

LiveScience, which often has some interesting articles, actually has one on whether an apparent carved antler believed to be around 6,000 to 8,000 years old found in Sweden might have been used as a dildo.

Uh, I understand wanting readership — people will read this blog piece because of its title and subject matter — but, even as dirty-minded as I can be, I’m not convinced that the antler ever was inserted in some forebearer’s body cavity.

This the alleged ancient sex toy:


Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. (Of course, it was reported that Bill Clinton had used a cigar as a dildo on [well, in…] Monica Lewinsky, if memory serves…)

The LiveScience article even goes on to apparently suggest that the “dildo” might have been used by a male or males:

It’s not immediately clear whether the tool would have been one most likely to be used by men or women or both.

“If it’s a tool and it’s also shaped like a penis, it could be an item where you want to discuss gender questions,” [an archaeologist] said.

The dirty mind boggles. If a dildo is “used by” a man, does that mean that he’s inserting it inside of himself or that he’s inserting it inside of someone else? Or maybe both?

LiveScience also even reports that the object might have been used as a dildo and as an everyday hand tool. (“Honey, where’s my hammer?”)

Anyway, LiveScience reports that the potential antique sex toy is only about four inches long and less than an inch in diameter.

It is my expert opinion that we can conclude that no gay guy from way back in the day would have been fulfilled by something that insubstantial.

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