Why Lambert lost to Allen (or, There’s NO escape from ‘American Idol’)

Adam Lambert, left, pretends to be happy that competitor Kris Allen, with his mouth wide open, beat him during the season finale of “American Idol” in Los Angeles earlier this week.

Goddess help me, I’m actually writing about “American Idol.”

I don’t even watch the show. I don’t even watch TV.

I caught “American Idol” no more than once or twice (maybe three times) more than five or six years ago.

That was in 2002 or 2003, I believe, because it was when the major television network “news” organizations acted as fucking cheerleaders for the unelected Bush regime’s Vietraq War in 2003 — instead of acting as critical journalists — that I stopped watching television, not nearly out of protest as much as out of total disgust.

But you hear about “American Idol” whether you watch it or not, because it is considered “news,” and the big “news” this past week was that probably-gay Goth-looking Adam Lambert was expected to win in the season finale of “American Idol” but squeaky-clean Kris Allen won instead.

It was just demographics, methinks.

The 27-year-old Lambert is from San Diego, while  the 23-year-old Allen is from Arkansas. This is Lambert:

Adam Lambert, American Idol Season 8

And this is Allen:

Kris Allen, American Idol

My guess is that more red-staters watch vapid, mind-wasting television than do blue-staters (I mean, I question the IQ of just about anyone who watches a lot of television these days) and that they found that Allen resembles them much, much more than does Lambert, so they cast their votes for Allen.

Sure, Lambert’s probable homosexuality was a factor, as he himself has stated, apparently; but that’s because to most of the bad-TV-gorging red-staters, homosexuality (or another form of non-heterosexuality) is tantamount to satanism, while Allen (who, hell, might also be gay, who knows?) is seen as a squeaky clean Christian boy. (He is heterosexually married before the age of 25, after all, while Lambert is suspiciously single.)

Maybe, given the clear divisions between the Lambert camp and the Allen camp, next season “American Idol” can split into two shows: “Red-State American Idol” and “Blue-State American Idol.”

(I shouldn’t give them ideas…)

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